Alas, poor Britain

Imagine this. Nigel Farage is dead, and his place has been taken by a psychopath, one with the ambition and many of the traits of Trump and Putin.

Extent Of The British Empire, 1886

He has lied his way into the Prime Ministership of Britain.

He has a degree in History, but like some students, he was only there for the certificate and only retained the information that interested him, which was very little. In his case it was primarily the maps of British holdings over time, from the Angevin Empire of the 12th and 13th centuries to the British Empire, which peaked in the 20th century.

A lot of his work has already been done for him by Reform and its predecessor, the Tories and Labour, with help from Russia and America in particular. He wants Britain to rule alone. Brexit distanced Britain from its European allies. Several politicians had advocated leaving the European Convention on Human Rights and the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) which aimed to protect the rights of Europeans but hamstrung politicians who wanted to ignore those rights. With his support from MPs among the Tories, and with Labour's popularity considerably reduced, he was able to withdraw. Like Trump, he withdrew from a number of international organizations, including NATO, citing its high cost since the start of the Ukraine war. Ukraine was not part of the British Empire, and he had no interest in fighting Russia for it, nor Crimea, and made sure Putin knew this. He stirred up a lot of patriotic fervour with slogans like "Make the Empire Great Again" (MEGA).

He felt his name, Freddie Fump, was not imperial enough, but he would come up with a new name to crown himself emperor with, and at times posed in front of the mirror in ermine robes trying different ones out.

The Tories had started the work of suppressing the people, with austerity and a crackdown on protests. Labour continued this, cutting benefits and labelling Palestine Action a terrorist organisation, arresting anyone who disagreed. Fump also continued to stir racial hatred. He brought back the Bibby Stockholm and found similar barges and had many old military accommodations brought back into use, no matter what their condition. There were even prison ships on the Thames, as in the 18th and 19th centuries. Even container ships with their empty containers were adapted. Thus, he was able to house a great many protesters, illegal immigrants and political opponents without overburdening the prison system or hotels, and for many, the targets of protest were out of sight and out of mind, or hard to reach.

His first foreign relations move was to cut off Gibraltar from all relations with Spain, citing national security. It has an important Royal Navy base, which controls the narrow entrance and exit to the Mediterranean Sea, the Strait of Gibraltar. Half the world's seaborne trade passes through the strait. For good measure he sent a warship down to the Falkland Islands, leaving the Falkland Islanders wondering if there would be a repetition of the Falklands War. No doubt that would boost his popularity as it did Maggie Thatcher's.

Spain, like the rest of Europe, could not afford a hard war with Britain while preparing for war with Russia, so it cut off all trade with Britain. This complicated European military cooperation, but Britain looked likely to withdraw from that anyway. The UK relies a great deal on Spain for fresh produce (€5.1 billion at the last count) so this led to many empty shelves in British supermarkets.

Spain also sent a warship to patrol the seas between the Falklands and Britain's approach. Fump sent one to patrol just short of there, and the 2 ships patrolled up and down, almost like a dance. I remember a lake where the 2 male swans that shared it swam up and down the dividing line together, not giving an inch. Spain reiterated its claim to both islands.

Next Fump turned to France, claiming the Angevin lands - roughly two thirds of the western side of the country. France in its turn claimed nearly all of England and parts and Wales - but not parts of Ireland, though the Irish did get rather concerned how this could go. Fump stationed navy ships all along the Angevin coast. Since the English Channel (La Manche) - which both claimed - is very busy, this created a lot of tension. France did not deploy any naval surface ships until escalated, but established a large intelligence network above and below sea, positioning many intelligent small drone subs where they could stealthily follow the British navy ships and inflict considerable damage if necessary. Fump seemed not to have grasped the value of drones, yet.

France also stopped exports to Britain, which led to more empty grocery shelves. French and British militaries together are the largest in Europe. They are the only 2 European nuclear states. Disentangling their military R&D could be difficult.

Fump next decided to excite his base by going after illegal immigrants trying to cross to Britain in boats. He had the RAF shoot at the boats, killing many. France protested the invasion of its airspace. Initially Fump retreated to international waters. Even so, it was only a matter of time before an innocent boat was shot up, and all countries bordering the English Channel (La Manche) were nervous and beefed up their defenses. Needless to say, World War 2 joint remembrance ceremonies were cancelled. The countries worked on a system to ring Britain with military grade undersea drones.

Next it was leaked that he had his eye on Hong Kong, a financial prize if there ever was one. China drew up plans to cease trade with Britain if that was the case. He promised to let China have Taiwan in return.

Meanwhile, American social media broligarchs continued to support him with their social media, and the British arm of the Heritage Foundation was busy working on Project 2029 - though that could be brought forward if he chose. He continued deregulation of financial, environmental and other protections.

Some nasty rumours (if they were rumours) arose of him being involved in grooming gangs.

By now, there were major protests. Brits started seeking asylum in other countries, and found that Britain's intransigence when it came to asylum seekers arriving via Europe and elsewhere made them unwelcome in many countries. Fump distracted the people by having Tommy Robinson assassinated.

To distract the rest of the World, he had Donald Trump assassinated. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth declared that Ukraine and NATO were to blame. Newly sworn-in president JD Vance declared war on Ukraine, and American military there bombed Kiev on its way out.

World War Three broke out.

This isn't a prediction, just an indication of how nasty things could get.

Ten years ago, if I had written any of this, you would have thought me crazy (I would have thought I was crazy!). But now?